Brianne Doherty

Brenda Nicholas

ENG 251: The Personal Essay

April 10, 2008

Draft #1 of persuasive essay

My younger brother, Matt, has always been an amazing lacrosse player, it just comes naturally to him. When he was a freshman in High School he was stating every game on the lacrosse team. While our high school wasn’t one of the better lacrosse schools in the division, they held their own. He would be able to win almost every face-off and sprint the ball down the field so fast the other team would be in shock. But one of his away games at Kellenberg High School, his team didn’t do so well. As if the screaming parents weren’t enough to be sitting with in the stands, across the field on the sidelines, the coach was screaming at my brother and his teammates like they had just lost a million dollars for him. At then end of the game, my brother and his team went over behind the goal for their usual team meeting. His coach didn’t give them all a talk about the game, but made them do sprints back and forth on the field for every goal the other team made. This was one of the most embarrassing things my brother said he has ever done in his whole lacrosse career. “why would he make us do sprints on the other teams field after we just lost to them, it was like a walk of shame except we were running and so tired”. My brother said after he walked off the sidelines. This moment almost cost Matt his next 3 years of lacrosse, thankfully it didn’t and the school got different coaches, and Matt won coaches award 2 years in a row and went on to beat Kellenberg in the semi-finals his senior year.

Sports are a way for children and teenagers to stay out of trouble, keep them active, and in shape, and a good way to meet new friends. Young children playing soccer was supposed to be a fun activity to keep them from sitting in front of a television and get outside and do something. No one is getting paid to be a little league star at the age of 10, but sometimes in the bleachers the parents will act as if everything is on the line as their 10 year old throws out a pitch. Why have these sports which were always a good way to spend time after school once or twice a week becoming a job for these children, with long practices everyday, punishments if they don’t win a game, and parents who act like their children are playing in the major leagues?

According to healthlink, children will quit a sport because of the pressure to win from their coaches and parents; they will also give up so that they don’t have the chance of letting down their elders. This shows that sports which are present to be a good role model in children’s lives, have turned into something that make them not want to try which is not the positive thing it was set out to be.

Coaches are being way to strict with their players, sports are supposed to be something enjoyable for players, not something that embarrasses them in front of their own peers. According to healthlink “At times, the child is exploited in order to live out an adult’s fantasies. In these instances, the adult fails to accurately gauge the child’s interest in an activity, and the child’s desires for fun, competition and belonging to a group become secondary to the adult’s desires”. This quote proves the point about my brother’s lacrosse team. His coach wanted to live out his fantasy of winning, and when that was not fulfilled he blatantly exploited his team in front of their families, and other players.

Parents start their children off in sports as young as age three, to give them a good routine in their life, to learn teamwork and to have positive role models in their life that isn’t just their parents. But according to USA TODAY and the survey done by the citizenship through sports alliances, “parents and coaches have lost sight of children’s best interest, placing undue emphasis on winning and competition instead of education and character development.” This bothers me because parents should focus on the positive things that result from sports instead of winning.

Like stated in the NY Times the trainers room after school, before the student athletes practices, is usually filled with athletes getting tapped up or getting massaged so that they can work through their injury and continue to practice and compete.

While being a gymnast in high school, I dealt with a very strict, competitive coach. She competed at the Jr. Olympic level until hurting her shoulder, costing her a career in gymnastics. She wouldn’t praise us for getting one of the goals on the list we made at the beginning of the season, but would tell us to get down and do it three more times until she thought we could really do it. After being out of sports for a few months over a spinal injury from doing a flip in gymnastics, I was back practicing my favorite event, the vault. Trying to deal with the pain of shin splints from running down the runway, jumping on a spring board and flipping over the vault, I was about to get hurt again. The spring board was in the wrong place on the runway from the girl who went before me, this lead me to put my hands on the wrong spot of the horse, ultimately smashing my lower back on the other side of the vault. I was in a ton of pain and tried to move knowing I had a meet the next afternoon. In school the next day I told my coach I was in a lot of pain, and instead of letting me sit out a meet and go to the doctors, she told me to bring mineral ice to warm-ups and she would “work it out of my back”. She did rub my lower back so I couldn’t feel the pain as much, but moving around during the meet really hurt, and sometimes I feel my lower back hurting, along with my knees, neck and various other parts of my body that have been hurt from high school sports. It makes me realize that my health and wellbeing of my body is more important than getting the coaches approval of working through a injury and doing well in the competition.

I read this book a few years ago after i graduated high school and i thought it really let you into the life of the student.

Even though it wasn’t took long of a book, it let you read about all four years of high school at the private boarding school Ault. I really felt like i could relate to the main character because i went to a private school and while it wasnt a boarding school too, the same rules existed in my school.

It is interesting to see the transformation of a shy quiet freshman, into a senior. while she does stay quiet a lot changes in her life. The author did a good job allowing the readers to picture Lee and feel her emotions and feel how she feels self conscious.

This book allows readers to get into the prestigious upper class who send their children to boarding schools such as Ault, the school in the book and also lets you see how a middle class student can feel when surrounded by higher class students in a high class environment.

I think that this book is great for high school students to read because they will be able to relate, presently, to Lee, but for older people out of high school and their adolescent stage in life, it is good to read as well because it can be funny and bring them back to their childhood and how they felt.

http://www.dustjacketreview.com/books/page/108165

I read this book a few years ago after i graduated high school and i thought it really let you into the life of the student. Even though it wasnt took long of a book, it let you read about all four years of high school at a private boarding school. I really felt like i could relate to the main character because i went to a private school and while it wasnt a boarding school too, the same rules existed in my school. It is interesting to see the transformation of a shy quiet freshman, into a senior. while she does stay quiet a lot changes in her life. I feel like you can really picture her and feel her emotions.

While I wasn’t one to be taunted constantly in high school, I did have my fair share of fights and problems with my friends. I was on the cheerleading team, and at some practices my “best friend”thought it would be good if she didn’t talk to me today, or at least that’s she made it seem.

While I wasn’t one to be taunted constantly in high school, I did have my fair share of fights and problems with my friends. I was on the cheerleading team, and at some practices my “best friend” ,Jamie, thought it would be good if she didn’t talk to me today, or at least that’s she made it seem. She would say hurtful things, such as “wow you have bigger feet than me, thank god my feet aren’t that big”, or “you should really go tanning before prom, or else your dress isn’t going to look good on you”.  I would try to brush it off and say “I can’t help that I have bigger feet than you, but Jamie, I don’t know if you realize that we have shared shoes before”. I would try to stand up to her sometimes, but there were the times that the things she said I took to heart and didn’t stand up for myself.  

Over time, since i have been in elementary school, it seems that people come and go in my life.  There are times when i will be really close with some of the girls from 1st grade, and other times when i will be close with the girls i cheered with in high school.  Over all this time the only people who have been true friends to me and that i consider my true friends are Shaun and pat, two of my closest guy friends i have been friends with since i was little, and then 3 girls from elementary school.  While me and the boys have a lot in common and go to college near each other, the girls and i have barley anything in common…I hope that that friends i have made in college can be like the girl friends i have at home or at least my Shaun and pat,  I think that they will…but looking at all my changing relationships makes me wonder if people change, or is it because we become separated and thats why things change??

1. I never thought i would miss her until i had to miss her.
2. I became so close to my cousins in a room we had to sit close in
3. Pictures can show memories you can’t remember.
4. Life moves fast, it is importat to try and slow it down and relax with loved ones.
5. don’t judge people, if you have things that can be judged.
6. enjoy life like a wave, it moves fast but is beautiful, and can be cold and harsh, or warm and calm.
7. do what you love and happiness will follow even if there is heartache along the way.
8. don’t let the past hold you back or tie you down, thats the reason there is a tomorrow.
9. sometimes in life you can’t just sit and listen to the song, get up, sing and dance a little.
10. life shouldn’t be too serious, its not worth it.
11. find the people who bring out the best in you, the ones that bring out the worst, are the ones that are the worst for you.
12. talking about memories, is like looking at a picture, it will bring back things you couldn’t remember without a little assistance.
13. Americans shouldn’t say that they are Irish, Polish, or German, they should say they are American of whatever decent.
14. i consider laughing the best exercise, because i always feel like i did 500 sit ups after a good laugh.
15. Beauty magazines try to give you advice to make you “look better”, i think they make you feel worse.
16. Lies will sometimes hurt, but the truth can hurt even more.
17. Sometimes writing can seem like the hardest task, but once writing it isn’t too bad, the hardest part is sitting down to do it.
18. Even with computers, a good dictionary never hurt anyone.
19. Changes in life are hard, but sometimes it can be harder to live with no change. Changes are what make us who we are today.
20. Sometimes it is better to move on from something that will never happen, than to pass up something better because you sat around waiting.
21. You can tell a lot about a person by their i-pods and wallets.
22. yesterday i couldn’t wait for tomorrow, now today I’m wishing it was yesterday.
23. the cheerleader, and the football player looks like a perfect thing, but somethings that football player looses the big game, just like they can loose each other.
24. Don’t allow people to hurt your hearts, and don’t hurt other peoples.
25. you do never know what your going to get when you open the chocolate box like forest gump said, but sometimes you should take a chance and see.

DESCRIPTION IN A BOOK!

In the book i am reading now called secrets of the model dorm the first chapter goes into great detail about two of the models the main character Heather meets.  They are Kylie and Svetlana and are both models.  the author talks about both of those girls as well as describing the “dorms” or apartments living room where heather first enters into the apartment and meets her roommates.

 MY OWN DESCRIPTION!

I’m a freshman and as my parents wait in the long line thats wraps around Lima lot, my brother and i walk up into my new dorm room on the 5th floor of Lima.  i open to door to see the lights off, i notice my roommate sitting with her little brother and boyfriend.  She is tall and has brown hair and is wearing jeans, heals and a strappy white top.  I didn’t know why she was sitting in there in the dark, but she shyly says hello.  The room is tiny and has two desks, two dressers, two sets of smaller drawers, two beds, and two wardrobes.  The wardrobes and drawers were defiantly not big enough for all of my belongings that were packed in the dodge ram waiting to be unloaded in the parking lot.  My roommate was very quite and didn’t seem to want to talk, her boyfriend was the same way.  Her younger brother on the other hand was very loud and talkative and about 12 years old.  He got in the way a lot while unpacking, but at least he kept us all entertained with his conversations.

Brianne Doherty

Brenda Nicholas

English 251: The Personal Essay

February 2, 2008

            It was February Seventh 1997, and I was a tall third grade student.  It seemed like a normal day until my brother and I got called down to the office and got picked up early from school.  The ride home was silent and seemed to go on forever, even though my school was five minutes away. We both could tell something was wrong.  Once home, our parents sat us down and as the tears, which I had never seen before, started to fall from my Dads eyes he told us the news about my Nanny.  She had been sick with cancer for a while, and we all knew she was living her last days in Mid-Island hospital, even though the adults tried to hide it from all of the grandchildren.  It was about three weeks before I heard the news that she was gone, that my parents took my brother and I, with our new puppy bay bay, over to see my Nanny.  My Poppa had set up his small back room with a bed and all of her medicines, so she was closer to the bathroom and all of the other things she needed on the first floor of the house.  It was in this backroom that I spent my last minutes with my grandma who I loved so much.  All of these memories seem like forever ago and yesterday at the same time, and one thing I will never forget that with all the pain she must have been in she was able to blow us a kiss, and remind us to “put it in ya pocket”.  Then, as we always did my younger brother and I blew a kiss back, and in good Nanny fashion she pretended to catch our kisses and tucked them away in her pocket.  She tucked all of her grandchildren’s kisses away throughout her life, just like all of us have tucked away memories in that small back room…

            The small back room in my dad’s parent’s house is probably big enough for three people to fit comfortably.  This room leads from the main area of the house onto the big back porch that many summer barbeques were held on.   It was in this room that children could be found sitting in wet bathing suits eating a cheeseburger and enjoying a caffeine free coke.  In this back room there were three chairs which never worked out for the ten grandchildren that tried to fit in the room at any given time.  It was in this back room that all the grandchildren would fight over who got to sit in the comfortable chair, and if someone was to get up from it to get seconds of their dinner, there was always a shout from the kitchen saying “Shotty good seat!”.  Of course whoever got up from their seat lost it the second they moved and the “shottying of the seat” was worthless by the time they were in the kitchen. 

            With there being only three seats in this small room there were always grandchildren lying on the floor or piling on top of the older cousins laps.  The adults who would be passing through would have to make it through the maze before being able to get to their destination.  Of course one of the uncles would stop and joke around with us, but then usually became overwhelmed by all the little kids sitting around the room, and would escape the mayhem that would usually go on in the back room as we were growing up. 

            As me and all of my cousins started to grow older, we have drifted apart.  We all wouldn’t be able to sit in the small back room with different limbs hanging over one another while we watched some Disney movie.  The eldest three cousins who are all either married or engaged, and one even has a child of her own became more involved in the adults conversation, but there was one Father’s Day when I was a sophomore in high school that all ten of us squeezed into the back room again. While some of us stood because we are too tall to sprawl out on the floor like we did when we were younger, it was still nice to have all ten cousins together. 

            On this fathers day we all noticed a pair of my Nanny’s tiny slippers.  While she had been gone from us for about seven years my Poppa still had them sitting in the same spot she probably left them the last time she took them off.  Looking at these slippers and getting into a great conversation about our beloved grandma, some of my cousins started to get extremely upset.  But as the conversation went on we talked about her kisses in the pocket, Halloweens we would spend trick-or-treating and then looking through all of our candy in the back room, and all of the Christmas Eves we would spend opening presents in the backroom.  My one older cousin had written a poem about my grandmas blue opal ring. She framed the poem for my Poppa and it is now hung in the back room along with a beautiful picture of my grandparents a year before my Nanny passed away  My Poppa gave this ring to my cousin because he knew how much it meant to her, and how it reminded her of her childhood.  I had always wished to have someone of my grandmas but I felt that the great memories were a better gift.

            On May eleventh 2005, I was going to take my road test.  I was incredibly nervous when my dad came to pick me up from my high school.  All I wanted to do was pass this test, and my dad reassured me that I would be able to, and that he didn’t pass his first road test, so it was okay if I didn’t.  We got to the testing spot and my dad got out of the blue Durango and the tester replaced his spot.  While driving with my dad I had done great, but being tested on how I was going to drive made my stomach twist in all different directions.  After the ten minute test, the lady told me I had passed!  I was relieved and so excited to tell my Parents and friends.  My Dad told me he was going to go get my Cold Stone Ice cream to celebrate, but he said we needed to stop at my Poppas house before we did.  I sat in the driver’s seat, and as a new driver, drove over to see my grandpa and tell him the good news.  He called us into the house and told me he had to give me something.  We were in the small back room, where many memories still linger.  He handed me a small, gold, claddagh ring.  He told me that it had been my grandma’s wedding ring and he wanted me to have it.  I have never been so excited.  I haven’t owned anything of my grandmas and now I owned something that signified the love between two great people in my life.  I still wear this ring almost everyday since and every time I look at it i remember a great woman and her relationship with one of the best men I know.  I felt that I was growing up, because I now had the freedom to drive, and I was given something so special to my grandfather. 

            Now today all of the grandchildren have their own lives.  We range from the ages of thirteen to thirty and have all different interests.  Some of us are great athletes, and others are great parents.  But still whenever we go to my Poppas house we flock to the back room.  I still find myself sometimes sitting on a chair with my thirteen year old cousin on my lap, even though she is almost my height, watching some movie together and joking around like we used to do.  This is the room that my grandfather watched us all grow from silly little five year olds dressed up as power rangers or princesses adoring our grandma and eating our Halloween candy to more mature teenagers still adoring her in the memories and stories we share.  We all have a room like the back room in the grandparents Bethpage house that brings families together and brings out the best memories and stories, a room where you can be yourself and feel most comfortable.  I will always cherish the relationships I have built with all of my cousins and grandparents in this back room.  And even though the three chairs with ten grandchildren fighting over them, doesn’t seem too comfortable, I feel most comfortable surrounded by the people I love the most. 

a scene from my past…

 I had always gone to St. William the Abbot elementary school, and now I was driving to my first day of gymnastics tryouts at a new school…

   My mom, brother and I woke up very early, dropped my brother off at basketball camp, and we were on our way to St. John the Baptist, my new high school.  The  drive that is usually twenty minutes seemed to take forever.  Driving down Montauk Highway, and seeing the Hospital, i knew i was close..

 I turned to my mom and said “mom, that means we are close, i think i might puke”.  My stomach felt like it was in a million knots, and my mom tried to calm me but seemed to make it worse with “don’t worry sweetie, your gonna go great” and “your a great gymnast, they will love you”.  I didn’t want to hear these things, because i knew it meant we were almost there. 

  I kept on telling my mom to drive slower but she didn’t.  Once passing the hospital and turning onto the side road that ran next to the schools parking lot, i remember tears filling up in my eyes.  I didn’t know why i was so nervous, i had done gymnastics since i was 5 and never had problems making friends.  I think that the feeling of leaving the school i had been going to since i was 3 years old and going to a totally different high school freaked me out a little.  I didn’t know what the coach was going to be like and if the other girls at try outs were going to have friends there with them. 

I will never forget that long drive down Montauk highway in my moms white dodge durango.  We still joke about how i almost got sick in the car and my hands would not stop shaking today. 

Of course when i went in, the coach was extremely nice to me, and actually had me show some of the other girls trying out how to do certain moves on the beam and bars.  My fear of change was quickly swept away, and now i am more comfortable with change in my life.

a recent scene…

before i left to come to school, i had promised my little cousins i would go to a sporting event for all three of them, luckily Leighann and Jenn had cheerleading competitions in the same day at the same place, but Bridget had a volley ball game on a different day.  After spending the day with my older cousin and her two children at the mall, shopping and going on the carousel with Kasey, who is two, i went to 711, and was on my way to Bridget’s game. 

   I was driving my brothers black jeep, cause he was in Puerto Rico, and almost got lost a few times.  I finally got to the school and had to ask a few of the students where the gym was, and if the game had started. 

Once i got into the gym, Bridget spotted me right away.  She ran over and gave me a huge hug.  I gave her the Gatorade i got her, and wished her luck at her game.  She pointed to where i should sit. 

Across the court i could see her pointing me out to all of her other 12 and 13 year old friends and probably telling them i was her cousin and other things girls her age talk about. 

Throughout the game while she was playing i could see her looking over and making sure i was watching her play.  i was so happy i went to watch her play because i remember when i was younger and my older cousins would tell me they were going to come to my soccer games or gymnastics meets, and wouldn’t.  I would be on the court or doing my routine on the beam, and when i looked in the stands they weren’t there.  I promised myself that when i was older, i would never do this to my little cousins.  I was happy that when Bridget looked into the stands she was able to see her older cousin watching her play her game!

It took me a while to think of something that shows self contradiction in my life. But as i started to think of different things that involved my family i came up with one idea.

My grandmother (my dad’s mom), who we called “Nanny” was an awesome woman and we all loved her very much. She died when i was in 3rd grade because of cancer. The main reason she had cancer was because she had smoked most of her life. That is one reason I’m against smoking. I try not to judge people who do smoke, because i have seen friends try to quit and i know how addicting it can be. But I do think it is a gross habit that can ultimately lead to cancer or other illnesses that can kill you.

The part of my life that contradicts it, is i have tried smoking before. I was lucky and never got addicted, like some of my friends and relatives. But still i did something i was against. I do have friends that smoke, and if we are out and they ask me to step outside while they have a cigarette i will go to keep them company. I have also been out with one of my cousins and he asked me and my brother if we minded that he smoked, we both said no, knowing that it was his grandmother, as well as ours, that died over ten years ago.

One other thing i have done that contradicts my beliefs on cigarettes, is my one aunt that I am very close with (my dads sister, and daughter of the “Nanny”) still smokes everyday. While our families were in Montauk together over the summer, we were at a restaurant and she asked me to step outside with her while she had a cigarette. There has been many occasions since then where she will ask me to take a walk with her while she smokes. While i love talking to my aunt, because she has so much good advice and is a lot of fun, i don’t like that one of the only times we get to have conversations privately is while she does something i do not believe in.

I wish my family members and friends could be able to see the long term effects of smoking, and realize that it is not worth the money, or their lives. And i know that because of my beliefs about cigarettes i should stand up for what i believe and tell them that i do mind if they smoke near me, or that i would rather not go take a walk with them. This is how i believe i contradict myself.